It's still dark

The moon glowed over my head, the stars were her only conpanions. The silence that surrounded me was creepy, it didn't bother me anyway. My friend was with me, she was a bit scared.

"Do you know why are people afraid of the dark?"

She looked at me. She was a good girl, never had escaped from home, never had sweared, never had been herself.

"No"

She looked scared. I lay over the grave I was sitting on. Yes - we both were at the graveyard. It was my favorite place on Earth, no one would ever enter to bug you. And, if you didn't believe in ghosts and spirits or lost souls you'd realize how peaceful can it be to sleep there.

"People aren't afraid of the dark. They're afraid of what could appear from it. Monsters, ghosts... creatures from their imagination"

She nodded.

"You've been with him again, haven't you?"

I looked at her. She was the only one who knew my secret. She knew about him, she hadn't met him yet. He was a product of my sick mind, and I wasn't sharing him with another girl. I am mad, I know, but I know he is real, even though he had already proven me that he wasn't. He had vanished, appeared, disappeared and faded in my bedroom, leaving nothing but doubts about my mental health.

"No"

She nodded again, and ponted the sky.

"Do you see that star, far above, shining as if it was near?"

I looked at the sky, and nodded.

"It's not a star, silly", I laughed. She stared at me.

"It's not?"

"No", I smiled at it. "That's him"

Today I was wondering, am I insane? I know I cannot handle my situation anymore... maybe this situation will end up handling me...

I'm not an optimistic person, but people usually say I'm pretty optimistic for a pessimist. Others say I am a realistic young woman, someone who really cares about everything. Some say that I wan't everything to be perfect.

You useless brats, stop trying to label me. I am who I am and I'm not changing.

Sorry about that. It has been a long day. What's more, tomorrow it'll be worse. I hate it.

I started thinking about my senior year again. Yep, I am a senior. It's not quite obvious, is it? Anyway, I've been realizing I suck. I should quit. I should go away. One of my favorite fantasies is that I go away, I find what I want and I become a happy person. But, how can I leave when I have absolutely no idea of what I want?

Patricia